I was super pumped up today! It's my first official day of summer break... no work until August! I had it all figured out, I was going to meet my sorority sister up for a "marathon catch up" lunch, and then spend the rest of the afternoon tidying things up, working out, and laying poolside. Now granted I did accomplish all those things, but I did them while going through several extreme emotions. Emotions brought upon my delightfully planned out day, by Mr. Wrong aka the ex.
It's almost as if he was sitting at the table next to us on the patio at Mi Cocina. I had just finished telling my girlfriend how I was completely content at this moment with being single. I was over all the bad breakups and hurt feelings, I had moved on and was at peace. I no longer had a sense of urgency to crawl every bar for a boy, but trusted that the right one would come along at the perfect time.
As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot I got a text from a famliar number, with a familar phrase..."JBlaze" was all it said, but that one word was enough to make my heart race and whole body turn numb. He had texted me, calling me his pet nickname. I was shocked, I didn't know what to do, all those emotions that I had forced to the back of my head came spilling out from dark places. I started thinking about how I should I react? Should I react? Should I reply? I didn't want to talk to him, I had moved on, so why now? What did he want? What did I want?AHHHHHH.
I phoned several friends, none of which answered (can't blame them since it was 1:15 on a workday). So I tried to sooth myself. I did as I went through feelings of anger, sadness, guilt, anger, flattery, bitterness, contentment, anger, frustration, and then finally peace. One of my friends called me back, and I told her what had happened. She was awesome in that she didn't tell me what to do, but let me tell her what I planned to do. I was going to delete the text and not respond. I knew as soon as the number was deleted from my phone, that I would be "safe" again. My other friend called and agreed that was probably the best idea, especially since our weekend plans included drinks on the patio. Having the number in my phone, would probably lead to a bad choice after a glass or two of wine.
I took my frustration out on the treadmill and at Target. Between the cardio and the shop therapy I was clear minded again. I was restored to my delightful day!
I was really proud of myself for not falling into Mr. Wrong's game. That is all it was to him, a game, a shear moment where he got what he wanted and I got nothing. I reminded myself that I didn't ever see myself settling down with him (not that he offered that in that small concise text). He is called Mr. Wrong for a reason! I now know that I deserve more then he could ever give me. I've grown so much since the heartbreak he caused to my soul.
Why is it that guys always come back, and never when you want them to? Every guy from my past has tried to reconnect at some point, usually months or years after its over and I've put the relationship to pasture. It's like they sense you are over them, and want to jump back into your mind. Also, why is it that they always pop back up when you are single or lonely? It's a great temptation to play the game, but its a game where no one wins. In this case, especially me. I refuse to waste any more time on someone who wasn't willing to break up with me in the mature way...face to face.
My church group is doing a book study, and in this week's assigned reading it is all about forgiveness. As I laid at the pool this afternoon, I read the chapter assignment and thought of Mr. Wrong. I had to forgive him completely for his actions or my heart would be filled with constant torment and bitterness. So I said a little prayer for Mr. Wrong that I could forgive him for how I felt he wronged me, and asked God to watch over him.
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