Give to the poor

Justice served...

Last night I had a date with the lawyer boy aka Justice. He had texted me on Monday and wanted to set up a date {for those of you who have been following, you will remember he had set up a date with me last week and then had to cancel for work}. We agreed that Wednesday night would work at 8:00 at Prime Bar. I don't typically go out that late on a week night, but it was just for a drink so I figured it wouldn't keep me up past my weekday curfew! lol.

I arrived early to the bar and decided to go ahead and snag a comfy booth in the back. I sat there and looked over the wine list, and then texted to tell him my location. I peered up from the pages of the drink book, to find him seated next to me. He didn't look as thin as his pictures (which was actually a good thing, because he looked kinda scrawny in his pics), but overall matched up to his profile. We started talking, and somehow I took the lead in the conversation. Usually I like to ask the questions, and let the guy take off with the stories. This time was different, but I just assumed he was a little more shy than my new found boldness. We hung out for an hour, he paid the tab, and we walked to our cars. We did the casual hug and I said I had a good time and for him to call me later. In online dating code this means- I didn't just say bye... so I don't think you're a complete freak.

I came home and thought about how it went, it was an ok date overall. He was definitely someone I would give a second chance... that is until Mr. Justice served me... with a TEXT! 

On Tuesday I told all my girlfriends that I was alive after meeting up with my first Match.com date. I told them it was good, and that I hope he called again so we could get to know each other better. Little did I know that I would be served later on that night. I was casually sitting on my couch after a long day and drinks with co-workers, flipping through the channels, when I got a text. I noticed it was from Justice and admittedly sighed because that meant that he was interested. Boy was I wrong. His first text said "hey" (this was when I got giddy) then it was followed up with "It was nice to meet you last night but I didn't feel like we really clicked. Good luck!" (this is when my heart sank into my stomach).

I couldn't decide if I should laugh or cry. I chose to cry. It wasn't that I was set on Justice, it was just the fact that no one likes to be rejected, especially in a so in your face manner. I prefer the rejection a little more non directly, you know when the guy just never calls you again.

Rejection always stings, but it really stings when you are already vulnerable. This had been a really shitty week (yes I said shitty) both personally and at work. I already felt like the last single person alive at a baby shower the previous Sunday, and now I had it in writing (or at least that's how it felt). I wondered why I kept putting myself through this, why did I keep opening my heart for the chance of finding love it seemed all I was doing was bruising it. I texted some dear friends and told them what had happened, they said to delete the message and move on, it was his loss. As teared streamed down my face, I got in bed and closed my eyes. I told myself "tomorrow is a new day".

Today was a new day. I felt so much love and support from my friends who I had told about Justice (shout out to Lil G for my chick music- the new Kelly Clarkson cd). I met with one of my co-workers for breakfast and we laughed as she shared her stories from her 148 dates she went on this past year from Match. On her 149th date she met the man of her dreams. She inspired to me keep going even though sometimes the dating game gets old. I have to remember that each first date is one step closer to finding my Mr. Right. One day there will be a first date that will lead to my last.

Till that day comes, stay tuned dear reader... Justice of this heart will be served when I find the man who has the right verdict that I'm "THE ONE"!

Episodes at the gym: Cycle Class

Monday I was so proud of myself, I was finally prepared to take on the gym! I never like to go the first week of January, because that is when all the "resolutioners" start hoarding time on the treadmills. So I waited it out, and was finally ready to make my move on January 9th! I had my workout schedule all mapped out for the week, starting with a 5:30 cycle class on Monday. 

That day I rushed home from work, got my workout gear strapped on, and made my way to the gym. I got my gym card out and had it scanned for the first time in 2012. As I walked into the cycling room, I was kinda shocked to see that behind that closed door was a drill sergeant. I had never taken a class with this particular instructor, so I didn't really know what to expect. I immediately knew that this guy was really into his cycling. He was decked out in tights, had his microphone all strapped on, and had two sets of rotating lights that were pointed at his bike. I picked out a bike near the back corner (oh and by the fan) and started to adjust my equipment. There were several other people in there with the spin nazi, including a girl in her early 20's who was chatting the instructors ear off (we shall call her annoying girl). She kept praising him about how she loved his class and couldn't wait to get started. I tuned her out, and decided since I was early that I would go refill my water bottle and check out the studs lifting weights. 

As I went back to my bike, I heard someone near me say my name. I turned around only to see that the bike behind me was being occupied with a guy from my high school. Instantly 3 things popped in my head 1) wow, he looks a lot cuter then he did in high school 2) oh gosh my ass is going to be in his face the entire class 3) I'm really glad I wore a thong instead of my granny panties in these tight Nike pants. I guess the annoying girl in the class thought that he was cute, because she started to intercede in our convo. As hs boy and I were catching up she started jumping in giving her two cents about the class, and how if it was our first time that we probably wouldn't make it through the class. I looked at this girl like she was the annoying idiot she was, and took her words as a challenge. Not only did I have to prove that I was much more fit then I was in high school to this boy that I now was kinda digging on, I also had to show him and her that I could bring it! I was kinda thrilled when annoying girl sat down two cycles away from me in my row with her lil annoying friend. They were the skinny bitches I was going to beat in this spin class! I was doing it for every normal sized girl who isn't flaunting her junk around the gym! 

During the class I really pushed myself more then I probably would have on a Monday when I had cramps. Maybe it was the guy behind me riding my ass on his bike, or maybe it was the instructors personal black lights flickering in the dark room, or just maybe it was the satisfaction of letting those annoying girls know that I was just as capable as them, but I pushed through the class and enjoyed every minute of the gay man yelling at me from the front of the room. Afterwards annoying girl said to me "So what did you think? Did you survive?". I looked at that skinny bitch and said "I loved it, it was fun, I can't wait to do it again next Monday. Hs boy will you be here?". I was proud of my answer for 3 reasons 1) It shut the annoying bitch up 2) It showed the other girls and myself that I was confident in my spin abilities 3) It let the cute boy from my high school know where I would be next Monday if he wanted to see me again!

Lessons learned from this experience:

1) Let others at the gym push you (who knew a cute boy and annoying girls would make me spin so fast!)

2) Dress accordingly: you never know when your booty will be in someone else's face

3) You never know who you may meet at a gym

4) When taking a class on the bike, don't forget your seat pad! My tushy hurts! 

Dating Detox- DONE

For those of you that follow along with this Singleton's life, you would know that I haven't really been actively dating the past few months. First it started off as a 30 day "me" time, and then it turned into a 90 day "me" session. I think during this time I grew alot, blah blah blah, but now I am ready to start getting all dolled up and playin' the field.

A few weeks ago, after a happy hour with some co-workers, I realized I was the only single person at the table. It inspired me then and there to get active online AGAIN. Plus, in reading Patty's book, I knew I needed to expand my area of potential suitors further than just chance run ins. So with some encouragement from some friends (who also met their main squeeze online) I had my friend take some new pictures of me and signed up for Match. 

In the past I had been kinda scared of Match for the fact that there isn't much structure and its very easy to openly contact someone. I had always done Eharmony because it had some preset boundaries, and randoms couldn't search you- instead they sent your matches to you. I found out these past few weeks that I had it all wrong. It's kinda fun to go "shopping" online for men. When I search men on Match in the ages 29-30 in my same area code there are 600 HOT matches that pull up. And yes, I'm no dummy, I know many of those are not real matches or compatible suitors for me, but it was encouraging to know that so many men were living within walking distance! 

My profile has been active for over three weeks right now, and I'm currently talking to several guys who I'm interested in. I was inspired to blog today and give you this update because I had a date. Let me rephrase that, I was suppose to have a date, but it got postponed. Here is the 411:

We shall name this new potential suitor "Justice" because he is a lawyer, and its much easier to name someone after their occupation. So Justice and I have been emailing for about three weeks (the Christmas break really slowed things down). In his emails he is really witty and sarcastic, which I love. Last week Justice asked me on a date, set a time and a Place (a place near my apartments that I LOVE). We emailed all week about our date, and I was getting excited. All day today I've been daydreaming about my outfit and coordinating enough time to get home from work, shower, and meet him up. I was kinda excited today when he texted me this morning and said he was looking forward to tonight. I took that as a good sign. Then several hours later, around 2:00 pm, he called me. I couldn't answer because I had a group of co-workers in my office. He left a message saying that he wouldn't be able to make it tonight, because he had to work, and that he would make it up to me later if I gave him a second chance. It was the first time in awhile that I was disappointed about a date being cancelled. I realized right then and there that I was craving some time out with a boy, and that I was actually interested in this guy. I texted him back, figuring it made me seem cooler than calling, and told him to give me a call and we would find another time. 

This is the part I love and hate about dating. I love the chase in the beginning, but now I feel like things are kinda thrown off. I don't think this guy would tell me he's excited about seeing me one minute and then flake out the next unless something really came up. I mean its not like he met me to decide he didn't want to see me. So now Justice has increased my desire for him to call and take me out.Why does that happen? 

While I'm disappointed tonight didn't work out, I'm still optimistic. Guess this just gives me more time to pick out the perfect outfit...because when he does "make it up to me" it better be a spectacular time! Lol!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Dear Reader! May your day be filled with lots of love, laughter, and optimism!

XOXO,
Savvy

How Savvy Survives the Holidays!

This time of the year really heightens emotions to those single and coupled alike. But I wanted to share how this singleton maintains a positive, cheery outlook when she is still standing alone under the mistletoe.

1) During the whirlwind of the season, I make a major effort to look my personal best. When you look good, you feel good! As Barney from "How I Met Your Mother" would say- SUIT up! Don't fall into the sloppy sweat pants trap, you know the frump clothes that even you don't like seeing in the mirror. Go for those tight Paige skinny jeans and that new set of Coach earrings you splurged for. Plus you never know who you might meet while standing in the mile long Starbucks line, or while stocking up at the liquor store.

2) Have a bottle of wine near you at all times. Not necessarily for you to drink, but I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't go to a holiday party empty handed. A bottle of wine (especially one you enjoy) is a great hostess gift. Plus if times get rough, you can always uncork that bad boy. I plan on taking several bottles of wine to a particular family Christmas.

3) Don't be a Grinch or Scrooge during the holidays; we go through a spectrum of emotions during the holidays...sometimes hourly. It's easy to get caught up in the Grinch/Scrooge spirit, but the key is to choose a more positive outlook! Chances are your life looks pretty rocking compared to other people in the world. When you feel these negative feelings coming on, turn to serving others. There are so many worthy causes in the city that need an extra hand or handout. Or better yet, brighten someone's day in your world! This is a instant turn to the feel good track.

3) Take some personal time for YOU. Spend some quite time with yourself and put things in perspective. I chose to have my holiday "me" time during a relaxing mani/pedi.

4) Be INCLUSIVE, not exclusive. This is one that has been hard for me this year. But no one likes to be alone at Christmas. This is the time of year that your attitude should be "the more the merrier"! Yes, your Cousin's girlfriend isn't your favorite person, but you should embrace her with open arms (oh and a full glass of wine).

5) When family members ask you the inevitable question- "Are you dating anyone?" have a planned out response. This is probably the holiday moment I loathe the most, it instantly can put me on the defense... Especially if those already annoying family members are the ones asking. I decided that I am going to keep my response light this year. Just a simple response of "I'm not dating anyone seriously right now".

Even as I type this I can hear my voice responding with numerous sarcastic responses such as- "no I'm not, how's your failing marriage going?" or "even if I was, I wouldn't be sharing that information with you!" But I digress... Just another chance to maintain a positive attitude and drink another glass of wine.

Overall you MUST stay in the positive. I always tell my friends "If you constantly compare your life to others, you will drive yourself crazy". Be aware of your feelings and choose a go-with-the-flow attitude. Remember the reason for the season- its not about the gifts, the food, comparing photo Christmas cards, or exclusivity; it's about the birth of our Savior. It's about celebrating Christ and all the gifts he has already given you!

Embrace your loved ones, and embrace yourself!

Merry Christmas to YOU!

Qualifying The Buyer

In this step of the game, our matchmaker wants you to really think about what exactly you are looking for in your mate. She gives us the exercise of mapping out five must haves in the areas of spirituality, physical qualities, emotional giving, intellect, and his personal finances. You are to reflect back on your previous list of winners and losers, and flip the negatives to positives. Here are my top five characteristics for each category. 

 

Spiritual	Physical	Emotional	Intellectual	Financial
Christian	Taller then 5’8	Communicates feelings	College educated	No debt
Belongs to a church	Caucasian	Warm and loving	Knows current events	Has money in savings
Has a relationship with Christ	Not petite in size	Fun to be around, doesn’t take himself too seriously	Witty and sarcastic	Spends money, but doesn’t overspend
Spiritual leader	Has hair	Wants a family	Knowledge about  sports	Donates to charity
Raised attending church with his family.	Dresses nicely	Ready for a committed relationship that will lead toward marriage	Likes to travel	Has a job and makes more than me

Then from here, you are supposed to create your Top Ten Must Haves. These are the top 10 qualities my potential boy must have. This list is very fluid and can change as you grow in yourself. The top five traits on your Ten Must Haves list are your non-negotiables; these are the things that if the guy you are dating doesn't match the criteria, you must cut loose and  set free in the dating pond.

Ten Must Haves:

1. Warm and loving

2. Communicates feelings

3.Taller than 5’8

4. Christian

5. Wants a family

6. College Educated

7. No debt

8. Fun to be around, doesn’t take himself too seriously

9. Has a job and makes more than me

10. Ready for a committed relationship that will lead toward marriage

 It was pretty challenging coming up with these final ten traits. It was also kinda scary once I looked at them all typed out. By listing some of these traits, am I cutting down my possible pool of men? Or am I just cutting to the chase and not wasting my time with guys who don't have everything I am looking for? I know that I could never date someone who wasn't taller then me; not because I am a size-st, but because I wouldn't feel confident in my own skin. I do believe its important for someone to have the same value system, and be able to express themselves and how they feel about me. I don't need someone who is all mushy gushy, but I definitely want someone who is loving and kind to others. My ultimate goal in life is to have a family of my own, so I definitely want to date someone who shares the desire for marriage and children. The best gift the Lord could have given me is my cherished mom, dad, and brother. I want to expand that love, and give my family the same care and upbringing that was bestowed on me. 

So there we have it- Savvy's Must Haves in a man! Now dear reader, I want you to save them to memory... and for goodness sakes bring me someone who meets that criteria!!!! According to the Millionaire Matchmaker, I need to be creating a pool of eligible men from my friends/family/ and acquaintances. THAT IS YOU! Get going cherished reader, find me a match!