Yoga- I hate you. There I said it. I hate your downward facing dog, your fancy poses, and the mats that make that peeling/squishy sound every time I move. I dislike the fact that every tiny celebrity from Bethany Frankel to Kelly Ripa claim you as the reason they lead such a healthy lifestyle. Your students are snobs of the mat and give distasteful looks at newcomers as they distort and contort their limbs effortlessly. Yoga- I hate you.
I hate you, yet I want to be you. I really do. You are so zen, so solid, so one with the world. You attract the gym elite to your realm of relaxation and self discovery. Your lines are so slim and sleek, and the scent of your being is invigorating.
Yoga, I hated you even more greatly tonight when I self talked my way into your classroom. I was all prepared to find my darkened area in the back row and skim through your routine. I wasn't prepared for the dramatic disruption of my chi......
You would put my mat next to the one girl from my high school who could do more flips then anyone else in the state. You would do that to my ego wouldn't you... Damn you yoga! You would make her say that she is completely out of shape (though she teaches a kick your ass body attack class at the gym) and proceed for her to nail each of your poses effortlessly as I scrounge the energy to lift my body from the floor. And to top it off, you would keep sending the instructor over to me to help "adjust" my imperfect attempts at downward facing dog, some triangle pose, and lunging like a warrior- because the whole class wasn't already staring at me.
Oh but yoga I love to hate you. That natural high you give me in the last five minutes of class already has me craving more. I hate you Yoga. I hate you so much that I will be there next Tuesday at six. I will once again be the one awkwardly posing in the back row, right next to the cute,bendy, sweet as pie, ex college cheerleader... Gosh I hate you yoga!!
No comments:
Post a Comment