I think I have become asexual.... seriously. I keep going on dates, but lately there has been no "spark". I keep meeting decent enough guys, but there always seems to be some flaw. I'm starting to miss the days of being soooooo excited about seeing a boy and anticipating the first kiss. Now its more like "great he called... do I have to kiss him goodnight?". What is going on here people????? Yes, I still like men... but I have yet to find a man to actually like.
The past three weeks I have been talking to another new boy... we shall name him ER (since that is where he works). ER had great potential. He is a born and raised Dallas boy (from the HP), went to a fancy smancy Dallas private school, only to go on and graduate from the Ivy League. He was Uptown (lived in a fabulous high rise with his own door guy) and had a kind and compassionate heart. He works in a pediatric ER and his love for kids won me over. We went on a date after my Italy trip and I was interested, then he was out of town, and I was out of town yet the "spark" was still alive as we texted and talked on the phone.
Last Monday he texted me at work about a "hypothetical spontaneous road trip to a casino". Both of our schedules had become so complex that there was a chance we wouldn't get to see each other any other time during the week. After texting back and forth under the supervision of my esteemed and trusted colleague, I agreed to go with him and his crew across the Texas state line to Winstar Casino for a 5 hour turn around road trip. I was super excited! This was super outside of my box to agree to go on such a spontaneous trip, crossing state lines with someone I was still getting to know. I flew home from work and threw on my best Oklahoma gambling clothes. ER came and picked me up and we met up with his cute and married friend to start our trip.
It started out well, ER had packed all the necessary road trip supplies: pillows, wine, water, and snacks. The conversation in the car was flowing, and I was genuinely thinking this was going to be a fun time. I was getting along with his friend and got to know more about ER's past.
When we got to the casino and his friend split off for his poker tourney, the fun ended. He turned lame and dull. He didn't have the same energy of someone who coaxed me into going on this exciting Monday night road trip. He had nothing to say, and what he did have to say I didn't really care to hear. I don't know if he was trying to gauge my interest or what, but he kept bringing up how he was still interested in some other girls. It was bizarre. I told him that generally you don't talk about other people you are dating while you are on a date; and that he didn't owe me anything, that we were there to have fun and see if there was any potential between us. After dinner his friend was done losing his money and we got back in the car to head home. ER literally put his head on the window and didn't speak the entire hour drive back. His friend and I however carried on a fabulous conversation (seriously, the good ones are always taken). When we got home he took me back to my apartment, and I said the routine "I had fun, talk to you later" goodbye. Though in my head I was really thinking "I really didn't have that good of a time, and really I'd be ok if you didn't call".
ER proceeded to text me the next day and thank me again for going with him on the trip. I replied and thanked him for the invitation. I think he could tell I was over it, and over him. I have no desire to give ER another chance. He was a nice guy, but one of those guys who was too smart for his own good. I need someone who can be laid back and fun when you are at a freakin casino!!!! Not someone who becomes a bump on a log and wants to have intense conversations about hypothetical relationships.
I do have to thank ER though. He helped me cross TWO things off on my 30 by 30 list- go on a spontaneous road trip and go gambling. So I guess the whole relationship wasn't for nothing.
I don't think there is anything wrong with me. I think I am just at the point where I am comfortable with who I am and where I am in my life. I don't necessarily need someone to complete me, I am complete on my own- but it would be fun to have someone to share my life experiences and build a future with. I know with all my heart that when I meet the right guy, my heart and my head will be ready. Not to mention the though of kissing him won't totally oogey met out!
On to the next one!
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